Why Are You Working So Hard?

Why Are You Working So Hard?

Dem-Idiocracy

Mike Judge's film "Idiocracy" was a disappointment. Very little could have measured up to "Office Space", this generation's Caddy Shack in terms of quotable lines (apologies to "Napoleon Dynamite").

In the movie, two soldiers agree to some experiment where they're transported 500 years into the future. The planet is a garbage dump and the No. 1 movie in America is "Ass". Flash to a theater full of people watching a bare ass. That's all it is. And everyone is laughing.

I think Judge accurately depicted the future but missed the mark by about 494 years. I'm so disheartened by the goings-on in this world yet powerless to do a thing about it. Write a letter to your congressman ? Would you write a letter to Santa if you already knew Santa didn't exist ?

We're celebrity obsessed, simultaneously worshipping them and delighting at their downfalls. We pay men $25 million to hit a ball. Our country is corrupt to the very core. Enron ? Oh, that'll never happen again. Except that it did. The banks. Bernie Madoff. Gordon Gecko reappears. Good timing. Greed is good, he said. Good for some. Bad for most. People confuse admonishing greed with being a socialist. I'm greedy! Hasn't served me too well.The news is now one long opinion column, screamed at maximum volume. No one compromises. What will the world be like when my daughter is my age ? I shudder to think.

So, "Idiocracy"....not much different than life...RIGHT NOW.

A Summer Day In October

A day I'll remember. Our little girl breezes in and gently wakes me up as mommy is leaving for work. As usual she is endearing and eager to do everything herself. She can work the Keurig coffee maker and makes me a cup. We go from there to an episode of Berenstain Bears and whip up some pancakes. Sydney sets the table ...and we fill our stomachs for a full day of fun. The day will touch 80 degrees. While the chill is still in the air, we set out to rake the yard and feed the birds. She excitedly points out the two mousetraps that performed their singular function. We head back in for an episode of the Flintstones and snacking on some nacho cheese goldfish. We adjourn to her room for an extended run at 'grocery store restaurant', an all purpose business that cooks your food and delivers it to your door, with fresh fake food veggies and fruits. And ice cream. And hotdogs. Lunch is here and the usual macaroni and cheese is the order of the day. Fueled, we change clothes and she sets off ahead of me on her Dora bicycle. She turns up her nose when I suggest we're close to having the training wheels off. As she pedals down the main drive that leads out of our neighborhood, I take note of the season in full bloom. "Fall", truly. All of the leaves are a brilliant hue of yellow and falling all around us. Picturesque. As if from a sound stage in Hollywood. We pedal off toward the 'blue park', so designated because well, it's all blue. But not before hellos are exchanged with all of the neighborhood mutts out walking and chasing tennis balls. We arrive to an audience of none, content to sift our feet gently through the warm sandbox and whatever other awful droppings must be in that Godforsaken pit of sticks and clumps. We build a sandcastle. The sun smiles down upon us. We move to the swings and do the up and down mostly in silence. When we're not silent, we're laughing alot about everything from the ladybug that took residence on my Always Sunny In Philadelphia t-shirt, to pretending that her feet smell. I watch her swing toward the sky, her little curly blond locks flying in all directions. Life in this moment is as perfect as I could want it to be. I see her little polka dot tanktop and funny shorts, happy for one more day that she could free the summer clothes from their hibernation. We come home for water. Hydrated, we remember the token we found earlier in the day while filling up the Barney Rubble bank. The token will be spent on the merry-go-round at the mall, a summer favorite. She chooses a seal this time. She wanted the horse but it was next to someone that was already aboard the ride. Sydney's shy like that. For the minute that the ride lasts, I pay keen attention to her facial expressions. She is a miracle, a blessing from God. I'm unworthy of thie responsibility but I give my heart to it everyday. I'm a fortunate man, redeemed from so many ills of my own creation that I may enjoy these moments with a deep sense of gratitude and deliverance. Most of my life was spent thinking about and planning foolishly for a tomorrow that was never promised. Yet tomorrow was today and I lived in..........today. And I am joyful. She sat on my lap and ate a slice of cheese pizza and I wrapped her in my favorite gray Champion zip up hoodie. She would think me crazy if I actually weeped as much as I weep inside my heart, tears of pure, childlike bliss. We played mini golf for the first time today in glow in the dark conditions (pictured). She loved it. And I loved watching her love it. Her tiny frame whacking the ball. Constantly placing the ball in the machine that added 'glow' to the golf ball. The merry go round was closed when the pizza was done, so Toys R Us wasn't a bad consolation prize at all. Hula hooping in the aisles without a care.This is Christmas morning every day I wake, to the little feet shuffling near me for a hug and kiss and I "cmon daddy, come downstairs with me." Well what would you like to do today, honey ? "Whatever you want to do daddy.". I should note that what I usually choose is declined for something that she really wants to do instead, but the point is kept intact that the event is secondary to just being in her midst. Amen.

WHAT'S THE POINT ?

2010 - a great summer, chasing after Sydney on her bike, attending alot of great rock shows (Mayhem, Lollapalooza, American Carnage) and going to the community pool almost enough times to justify the ridiculous $500 annual gouging to retain our bond/membership in it.

Before I move on, I'm happy that Sydney's becoming a water bug and loves going. Me ? Ehh not so much. It's not like I can leave her on the side of the pool while I swim laps during the adult period where all the horrible kids have to exit the pool so the oldies can get in some weak exercise. No, it sucks because there are too many free passes and too many people in general. Case in point. I take Sydney to the very corner of the pool so she can jump off the edge, paddle around in her innertube and just be...kids are winging coosh balls around, one of them hits me twice in the back of the head. No big deal. No pain, no foul. The next one hits Sydney in the face. Also no pain, but FOUL. The teenage kids behind the act are laughing about it. I must really be getting soft. I've always been a pacifist in that regard but an aggressive kind of pacifist. Back in the day, I might've stink palmed him or found his towel and placed something foul in it. Nevertheless, yes now..what was the point of this ?

My frustration with the blog is that none of it really leaves anything concrete. Maybe I've faltered on it because I've been doing it with other people in mind, trying to entertain or enlighten someone other than myself. So whatever. I'll post when it feels right and maybe leave something for Sydney to read when the old man is gone. I figure I'd better start exercising. Since I turned the 4-0 this summer, the statistics imply I'm about half done with this world and I'd like her to enjoy her own life and not have to look after a 65 yr old invalid. Struggling with not being able to play tennis or basketball or run without pain.

So I read that the courts are seeing increasing number of lawsuits against bloggers for defamation. One gun note in New Jersey wrote something about some judges, saying they should be dealt with in a manner that would cause their end, and he was convicted of threatening judges and faces 10 years. This country is going to shit. Granted, one shouldn't say that, and the real nuts have ruined it for all us sarcastic trash talkers but seriously...Seriously !

The poll indicates what bloggers blog about most. 'Personal Musings' rated highest at 45%. A nice way of saying bloggers are a bunch of self-centered dolts that like to write about themselves. And I agree mostly.

Happy Weekend. UFC on Saturday, maybe.

Parenting

I suppose some may decry that this is a wimpy style of parenting. I disagree.

From Esquire Magazine :

You don’t have to win, we were told at the positive-discipline workshop. Your child is not damaged, morally, if your child wins, if the battle is withdrawn, or, better yet, never joined. Our culture has viewed parenthood in terms of decisive moments, but it's better to view it in terms of development, as a continual process, and to be in it for the long haul. Nothing lies like the moment of truth, and if there's no powerlessness, then there are fewer power struggles. If your child has a problem with authority, it's likely that you have a problem with authority, or your lack of it. The answer is to return it to your child in the form of choices, while you set an example. Your example is your authority. Positive discipline does not mean no discipline; it means that discipline is a matter of teaching mutual respect, rather than making your child suffer. "Children do better when they feel better, not worse," is what it says on my kitchen cabinet, and so when faced with intransigence, parents have to respond by stating their expectations, repeating the rules, and then giving their children the love and support they need to follow them. Always try to include, rather than isolate; avoid labels; don't negotiate, but don't escalate, either. If your children are not doing well, either take them out of the situation or remove yourself. You — and they — can always try again.



Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/people-who-matter-2010/barack-obama-father-0210-2#ixzz0j120iBbR


So I bought it. Positive-discipline or, more precisely, the principles and techniques of positive discipline, which means that I'm one of them: one of those guys who never raises his voice to his child, who uses the word inappropriate instead of wrong, who folds his child in a hug when she is raising hell, who "chooses his battles," who "doesn't take the bait," who "de-escalates," and who, above all, does not punish, no matter how bad — um, inappropriate — the behavior is. And you know what? It's changed my life. Our lives. We don't fight anymore. My wife and I employ kindness and firmness — positive-discipline bywords — and our daughter is happy and cooperative. It takes a lot of work, though, because, well, it's unnatural. You have to devote a lot of time to it, really your whole life. You have to be strong, because you risk appearing weak. Or maybe not — maybe I'm just avoiding confrontation. Our daughter still splashes the bathroom mirror, after all. I just have less invested in making her stop, and when she's done, I ask her, politely, to clean up. She always does.



Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/people-who-matter-2010/barack-obama-father-0210-2#ixzz0j113QmwJ

Eric Cartman - Funniest Cartoon Character Ever ?

An all time great South Park clip......

Sydney Speak

A journal of favorite moments culled from my Facebook updates and Blackberry notepad, in order so that I'll never forget them.

"Can I ask you a question? What did you say to me ?"
Me : I asked you _____________
"No but then what did you ask me?"
Me : I think I only asked you one thing.
"But I shook my head two times."



"Daddy, here are some cookies." Oh thank you Sydney ! Why did you give me cookies ? "Because you had a good breakfast. Would you like to have a sticker for work today ? Don't take it off. Wear it forever and ever......daddy."

Walks in while Kim is watching CSI, "Mommy, what that dead guy doin' on TV?"

(Counting steps at the mall) - "9,10,11-teen, 12, 13, 14"

Sydney "yes daddy, we went to the cryopactor and mommy says I can never ever lay on the laying table. I freeze my head and he does the adjustments."

Me : Got your nose ! I'm going to wear it today.
"No you can't daddy. It's glued on."

"Daddy, will you help me choose things to put in my beautiful purse ?"

Sydney, I'm happy I'm not at work today and get to spend it with you. Sydney - "Yes Daddy, I do not belong at work because I am not a worker."

Me : Don't point at strangers honey.
"Well you're not a stranger daddy. Can I point at you ?"

"Let's just spend all the day long together, daddy."

"Daddy, how much ketchup do you want on your grapes ?"

"Daddy just show me the candy please. I promise I won't lick them, I"ll just look at them."........."Daddy, I don't like these pancakes, they're too mixey...(smiles)....I'm tricking you."

"Daddy, you wanna have a popsicle with your coffee ?"

Why do you have an umbrella in the house Syd ? "Because that's what we need for a picnic today and that's what girls do."

"Daddy can you fix my cup ? It's leaking out too many waters."

"But I can't help you clean up. I got poopies."

"That was fun, how about one more time ?"......no honey, past your bedtime....."How about two more times then ?"

(Pointing to the window at nap time) - "Daddy, please close that drape so the teenagers out there don't wake me up."

Syd Kid, eat all your pancakes this morning, I heard your tummy growling this morning and you're getting too skinny. "Yeah daddy I better eat good or otherwise I'll go in heaven."

What are you doing over there Sydney ? (Turns Around with digit entrenched to the first knuckle)...."I'm pickin a winner."

"Daddy, who is that man snoveling the show ?"

"Daddy, why do you have underwears on, will you pee through your pants?"....Someday, honey....someday.

"Daddy, I do not like green." Well why not honey ? What color do you like ? "Red." Well what about my eyes, do you like them Sydney? "Your eyes are hazel, daddy. I'm talking about plates. I do not like green plates. I like my Hello Kitty plate."

"We need to hide this cookie or mommy will find it and sneak it and chomp it!"

"You're a hysterical daddy."

Um yes Daddy, after my bath I will be very hungry for mac cheese and will you make it for me otherwise I will still be hungry.

"I ate at school.....I ate the school."

Oh Sydney ! You are up early. Did you get up because you heard my music playing ? "No Daddy, I came to see you because I love you and want to snuggle."

"Daddy, where is mommy's black car?"
Me : It got smashed up honey. I don't know where it is
"Well why don't you ask me where it is?"
Me : OK, where is mommy's black car ?
"It's in a cave....in a smashed up car town."

"Can you come to my school with me?"
Me : No honey, I'm too old to be in your class.
"Daddy, how many are you?"
Me : (flashes three sets of ten fingers plus nine more)
"Wow, you are BIG, how many am I?"
Me : (three spot)
"Why am I still only 3 ? And did you know I'm having a Winnie The Pooh cake for my birthday?"

Practiced all day, waited in line and our girl delivered it. What is your name ? "Sydney Boyd Triol". Were you a good girl this year ? "Well yes I was". And what would you like for Christmas, young lady ? "I would like a blue baby." (to be clear, it was a baby wearing blue in the Kohl's ad). Will lock away one of life'...s firsts in my heart forever. Proud of our girl.

"YES YES YES ! I will help you sweep daddy. You sweep and I will hold up the duster pan."

Hey honey, were you listening ? Mommy asked you to pick up your toys before bed. Will you come help me out Syd ? "No". Why won't you come help me pick up ? "Because I just love you daddy."

"Daddy, you're not pretending to eat the pretend food the right way." - after watching me pick through a plastic stew of vegetables, fruits and ice cream with a plastic fork.

"Don't put the water on the table without a lid. The kitties will knock it over and spill it, and THEY WILL NOT BE SORRY about it!"

(Yelling from down the hall, inside the loo) "DADDY ! I poopied in the toilet. Will you come light a candle or something ? It's very very stinky in here."

(When one parent lies for their sanity) - Sydney, you want me to put on Lady Gaga ? Syd "You have it in your car ? But it's in mommy's car. She said it's lost. Did you take it ? Mommy said no one should steal. I saw a raccoon building a house. Mommy didn't wear her seat belt once to the gym but she didn't get a ticket.... There were no policemans."

"Daddy can I ask you a question ? Can you be quiet now so it's my turn to talk?"

"See my Ariel panties ? Do they have them in your size ?"

"I made you something special. It's chicken lemonade HAHAHA."

"We're going to go to Sweet Tomatoes and the pet store and the book shop and that's what the deal is."

"Did you bashwash in this daddy?"

"Some daddys bald everyday and have no beards."

Sydney, you need to start eating vegetables. "Why?" Because they help you to see. "Why" Because they're good for you. "Well I don't need to eat vegetables. I can see just fine."

"NO Sawyer (the cat), NO. You are a bad, bad bad listener !!!!"

"Daddy, will you read me this book?"....I can't do it right now. I'm driving. "OK, then how about we listen to some heavy metal !"

"I'm taking a long time in here because there isn't any poop coming out of my body right now."

"I'm just make sureing."

"Daddy you have the scruff. I want you to turn into a BIG, BIG BIG BIG beard!"

Excuse me. "Why are you saying that daddy?". Because I tooted. (Leans in, whispers in my ear) "Don't tell anyone, no one, don't tell anyone in Target, okay ?"

"Daddy I'm going to make you a pretend cookie for your pretend birthday after my birthday is over."

"Sophia at the gym won't play with me anymore."......Really, why is that ? "Because she is just a stinker."

"I do not like teenagers. I don't like them because they are mean and I don't like the things they talk and they are STRANGERS !"

'HEY, what are you doing ? That means I only have one two three four....I have ONLY eleven toys in the bath !"

Do you want the bathmat in or out of the tub Sydney ? "Yeah". Well which one do you choose honey, in or out ? "Out. Because otherwise it will hurt my business."

Last Sydney Quote of 2009...Me : "Sydney, what state do we live in ?".....Sydney "State Farm."

You having a nice day Sydney ? "Yes...Daddy...Daddy...hey do you know why I'm having a good day ? Because I love you really much and was missing you but now I'm seeing you."

You like the snow Sydney ? "Oh yes, yes I do. There is hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of snow out there!"

"Daddy, can I open one present ?". I'm still thinking about it. "OK, then how about...two presents?"

"More pancake." Well you have one bite left honey. You soaked the last one with syrup. Are you still hungry ? "Yes". How about a blue bar (Nutrigrain Blueberry) ? "No" What would you like to have then ? "Blue bar (smiles)." (Sigh)

"I finished all my pancakes daddy and I was even faster than you this time."

Sydney observes an available parking spot and asks why I won't take it. After I tell her why, she asks "What is Hanny-man parking?"

"Watch out for the Coo-Wah-Tees (coyotes), they're going to sneak our mac cheese daddy."

Do you mind if we stop here Syd? "I don't mind anything with you, daddy."

Talking on her Dora phone, she says "Oh not much, it's just a lovely day with me and daddy."

"Mommy, I can't help it. I can't stop asking questions."

"Daddy, are you driving fast or slow?". Oh very slow, honey. "I was just make sureing. Then why are all these trees whooshing by so fast?"

(Whispers).."Daddy. Mommy was wearing your coat". When was that, Sydney? "Tomorrow."

"You can really kick those balloons high daddy. You are fast-inating."

"Daddy, can I have another one of these donuts if I run out of this one ? Man man boy these are good !"

Are you starting to feel better Sydney ? How is your throat ? "I'm going back to my old self, daddy."

"Mommy wrote my name on this cup, so I know who I am."

"A,B,C,D,E,F......Rain, rain go away, come again some other day."

Apeing a line from a Spongebob book that made her laugh "In a soon minute, Sandy walked by and says, I didn't recognize you in those newfangled Dungarees !"

(Kim farts) - "Was that mommy or the garbage?"

"I love you a million a dillion."

Me : Wanna go to the pet store today ? "Of course I want to go to the pet shop daddy!"

"These are your babies and these ones are mine."
Me : What are the babies' names ?
"Mine are Charlie and yours are Barbecue."